Your Maintenance Routine Is Missing Something.
The one thing that never seems to make the list
Having uninterrupted time to yourself is indeed an undefeated feeling. So you mean to tell me I can bask in absolute nothingness and feel completely refueled. I LOVE IT HERE!!!! I mean this is in a way that doesn’t negate the need for my family and tribe. They will forever refill my cup. I mean this in a way that simply can’t forget to water herself first. After all, you’re the longest project you’ll ever invest in. Let’s go deeper.
Reserved Time
It’s Tuesday you just got your toes done yesterday, your hair appointment is at 2pm, and your fill still looks good from last week. It’s like a new superpower unlocked. Now all of a sudden you have a million places to be. You’re smelling candles in Homegoods for no good reason besides 1.) You can never have enough candles and 2.) Somebody and I mean SOMEBODY needs to see this good’ol Bobiana.
When I think of maintenance, I think of things that are non-negotiable. The things you don’t question. The things you don’t have to convince yourself to do. You simply do them because you’ve already decided they’re important to you and tbh maybe that’s where solitude got lost.
Reserving time to self doesn’t make you lonely or “ANTI” it simply allows you to reset. People may see you as the bubbly one, the loud one, the creative one…those can all be true, but don’t forget to nurture the silent one, the calm one. She too is a huge part of your “makeup”.
The Tesla Analogy
Think of yourself as a Tesla on 10% at a charging station. How many miles have you driven before you got there? Let’s go deeper. How often are you recharging yourself on a weekly basis? We’re in a climate where many of us are operating beyond our limits; juggling responsibilities, navigating constant noise, and mastering the art of masking because slowing down doesn’t always feel like an option. You know what you deserve right now? A BREAK!!!! Park your car, put things on hold, sit down and recharge before your mental battery completely drains. Charging your car isn’t optional, it’s necessary in order to get you to your next destination(s). Take this with you as you navigate and maneuver through the complexities of life.
And Pleaseeeee STOP Feeling guilty about it!!!!
Let me say this clearly for the people in the back. Needing time alone does not make you selfish.
You are not a bad friend for declining a call. You are not a bad partner for needing silence or space. You are not a bad parent because you want a moment to yourself before being needed again. People cannot continuously access a version of you that you never take time to recharge. I think some of us have gotten so used to constantly being available that we start to feel guilty anytime we choose ourselves instead. Remember “YOU THE BIRTHDAY, ALWAYS” (Yes that was childish, no I don’t give a d*amn).
What does “refueling” look like?
This is a layered question, so i’m going to give you a layered answered. How one chooses to allocate their free will is dependent upon what THEY deem as necessary. As for me, this looks like ordering takeout from my favorite Thai restaurant, sipping a glass of chilled Moet Champagne because she’s a classy girlll, and catching up on my YouTube girlies. Here’s another take! When you think of refueling yourself, try correlating it to your nightly skin care regimen.
-Romanticize your skincare routine
1. Remove and cleanse: Anything you don’t want to carry into the next day. Think buildup, excess “layers” that don’t serve you. Think unmasking, caring for yourself in your most natural state.
2. Exfoliate: Beyond the surface. An extra step to ensure you remove the things that tend to “get under your skin” (put the phone on DND he or she can wait, don’t reply to the email just yet).
3. Rinse: Now that you’ve done the essentials, prepare to LOVE ON YOU and ONLY YOU. When you look in the mirror you should see the softer, gentler version of yourself. The version you’ve been neglecting.
4. Apply Toner- This step is optional, but it also IS NOT optional. You’ve now prepped. Now you’re literally setting the “tone” on how you want to utilize your time. You’ve removed the layers+reflected deeper on your needs+ and can now figure out how you want to refuel.
5. Rehydrate- The most rewarding and satisfying step. At this point you’re intentionally pouring back into what you’ve stripped away. By this meaning you’re feeding your mind, body, and spirit with the things that help you operate. You’re nourishing the inner and outer. You’re recharging your battery.
The Big 3: Bath + Bubbles + Candlelight
It also can look like:
-Ignoring that phone call OR text because you simply don’t have the capacity for it.
-Taking a nap or a bath.
-Solo shopping with no specific item in mind.
-Being completely silent. No, Like Seriously shutting the f*ck up.
Are you getting what I’m putting down? Maybe part of the reason solitude gets pushed to the bottom of the list is because it doesn't offer the same immediate reward that a notification does. A text message does. A quick scroll does. We live in a world designed to keep us stimulated, constantly offering tiny hits of dopamine in exchange for our attention. Solitude is different. It asks for patience. Presence. A willingness to sit with your own thoughts long enough to hear what they're trying to tell you. The irony? The things that give us the quickest sense of relief aren't always the things that leave us feeling restored.
This my friend is why solitude needs to be added to your maintenance routine!!!